What happens in the first mediation session

By the time both parties attend the first joint mediation session, each will have had an individual MIAM with the mediator. During the MIAM, the mediator will take the time to understand your situation in detail, explain the process, requirements for reaching an agreement, the law and your rights, and give you the opportunity to ask any questions. So by the time you sit down for your first session together, you’ll have a strong idea of what’s involved. 

The session begins with the mediator reiterating the key principles: impartiality, confidentiality, and the importance of both parties being willing to engage. From there, the focus shifts to the discussion.

Mediation focuses on one matter at a time so if there are both financial and child arrangement issues to resolve, the parties will need to agree which to address first. You’ll form an agenda and then each issue is worked through.

Sessions are 90 minutes and it’s unlikely that you’ll resolve everything relating to the matter discussed in the first session. The purpose of the first session is to open the process, establish the facts, and lay the groundwork for what follows. After the session, both parties receive a written summary of what was covered, along with any actions to complete before the next session.

It’s also worth noting that not all sessions take place with both parties in the same room (or virtual room if mediation is taking place online). You can also opt for shuttle mediation, where the mediator moves between the parties separately rather than facilitating a joint discussion. If this applies to your situation, it will have been discussed and agreed at your MIAM.

The 5 questions people ask most before their first session

What do I need to disclose?

Disclosure is one of the most common concerns, particularly in financial cases. If you and your ex-partner have shared assets such as a property, savings, debts, vehicles or jewellery, both parties will be required to disclose them. This is known as financial disclosure, and it forms the foundation of any financial mediation.

Before your first session, we send out a financial disclosure form covering your income, debts, credit cards, and property value. Most people won’t have fully completed the form before their first session, but they will have started to look at what they’ll need to provide. The first session is the right place to work through the form together, clarify anything you’re unsure about, and fill in the gaps.

If there are specific assets that will require valuations such as a property, a pension or jewellery, it’s worth starting to arrange those before your first session. Contacting your pension provider or instructing a property valuation takes time, and getting ahead of it will make the process smoother.

What do I need to bring and what isn’t needed?

Financial mediation
Complete as much of the financial disclosure form as you can, but working through it together is part of what the first session is for. Any financial information you’ve been able to gather such as credit card balances, savings information, investment figures or mortgage information are worth bringing along.

We don’t need an extensive financial history. What mediation is looking for is a snapshot of your current financial position. Roughly 12 months of bank statements is the typical requirement; there’s no need to go back further than that. The sessions will be focused on where things stand today, and not the financial history of a relationship.

Child arrangements
For child-focused sessions, there’s no documentation or evidence required. But it’s useful to arrive with some considered proposals and an idea of what you would want a child arrangements agreement to look like.

That means thinking through the practicalities: week-to-week contact, school holidays, half terms, birthdays, Christmas, and how emergencies would be handled. Coming prepared with a starting position makes the session considerably more productive for both parties.

Will the mediator be impartial?

This is an aspect of mediation that often surprises people – a mediator doesn’t give advice.

Their role is to facilitate: to ensure the conversation is productive, that it remains focused on the issues rather than becoming personal, and that both parties have a proper opportunity to be heard and to receive a response.

The mediator manages the flow of the conversation. One person speaks at a time, contributions are given space, and the discussion is kept relevant. The result is a structured environment in which both parties can engage constructively, often in a way that hasn’t been possible outside of the room.

The mediator’s legal background means they are well placed to provide legal information throughout the process. This can help both parties understand the framework of UK family law – what courts are likely to consider, what outcomes tend to be regarded as fair and reasonable, and what any agreement would need to reflect to be workable in practice. This isn’t legal advice tailored to either individual, but it does mean the conversation is grounded in legal reality, helping you reach an agreement that is both informed and realistic.

Is mediation confidential?

Almost everything discussed in mediation is confidential and legally privileged. If mediation doesn’t result in an agreement and the matter proceeds to court, nothing said during sessions can be used as evidence for or against a party. The only information not legally privileged is disclosure of any financial information.

This means both parties can engage with the process openly, putting proposals on the table and exploring options, without concern that their words will be used against them later.

How many sessions should I expect?

As a general guide, financial cases tend to require around three to four sessions, and child arrangement cases around two. Every situation is different, and more complex cases (for example with complex pensions or multiple properties) will naturally take longer.

What to expect in terms of tone

Mediation addresses serious matters: finances, children, and the practical realities of a significant life change. But the environment is deliberately different from a courtroom. The aim is to reduce pressure rather than add to it, and to create the conditions in which both parties can communicate clearly and work toward an agreement.

There is no need to arrive having scripted what you are going to say. The mediator’s job is to guide both parties through the key issues. What is useful is approaching the session with a degree of focus and concentrating on what a fair and workable resolution looks like. 

Move forward with confidence

For most people, going into the first session with a clear sense of what to expect makes a real difference. Mediation is a structured, professionally managed process. It produces agreements that are fair, practical, and, when converted into a consent order, legally binding. It is also significantly faster and less costly than going to court. 80% of our clients avoid court altogether, fully resolving their divorce with mediation. 

If you have any questions ahead of your first session, or would like to understand more about how UKMS can support you through the process, please get in touch.

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Mediation misconception #1 – “Mediation is a soft option.”

Some people assume that choosing to mediate means sidestepping the serious work of reaching a proper agreement – that it’s somehow easier and less rigorous than going to court. 

That’s not the case. Mediation follows clear, structured processes. Both parties are still required to disclose relevant information, work through the details of their situation, and reach a comprehensive agreement.

The difference is that mediation gives you more control over the outcome (whereas a judge makes the decision when you go to court). And, importantly, mediation gets you there far more quickly and cost-effectively than going to court. 

Mediation misconception #2 – “If there’s domestic violence, mediation isn’t possible.”

This is something we hear regularly, and it’s understandable why. If there has been domestic violence in a relationship, the idea of sitting in the same room as the other party would be unacceptable. 

But the reality is that mediation doesn’t require both parties to be in the same room. In situations involving domestic violence, shuttle mediation is often used. The mediator sees each party separately, moving between them to relay information and facilitate the process. 

The parties have no direct contact with one another at any point – and online mediation means sessions can take place where each party feels comfortable and secure. 

This approach means that mediation remains a viable option even in sensitive and complex circumstances. Shuttle mediation can be used if a party is on bail and even if there are non-molestation orders in place. 

Mediation misconception #3 – “Reaching an agreement through mediation is expensive.”

Many people come to us having already spoken to solicitors or other legal professionals. The figures they’ve been quoted have understandably shaped their view of what resolving a dispute is going to cost. 

Mediation is significantly more cost-effective than going to court. In a contested court case, costs can quickly reach £10,000-£30,000, and the process can often be slow, stressful and adversarial. In comparison, resolving the entire process via mediation costs £XXXX (price of Agreed). 

It’s also worth knowing that if you have children involved in your dispute and choose to mediate, you’ll be eligible for the government’s £500 Family Mediation Voucher. The scheme isn’t means-tested, and the government introduced it to encourage separating parents to avoid stressful and costly court battles. 

As the government website highlights: “Mediation is often a quicker and cheaper way of resolving disputes, which can spare families the trauma of attending court and the impact this can have on children.”

Mediation misconception #4 – “A mediation agreement isn’t legally binding.”

This is one of the most important misconceptions to address, because it can put people off mediation altogether. The concern is understandable: you go through the process, reach an agreement, and then one party changes their mind – what then? 

What some people don’t know is that a mediation agreement – whether it relates to finances or child arrangements – can be converted into a legally binding consent order. This gives the agreement the same legal weight as a court order, allowing both parties to move forward with confidence that what has been agreed will hold. 

Mediation is not a gentlemen’s agreement. When handled properly, it produces outcomes that are just as enforceable as those reached through the courts.

Mediation misconception #5 – “The mediation process takes just as long as going to court.” 

Court proceedings are slow. A contested divorce can take the best part of two years, and it’s easy to assume that any formal process for a dispute will be similarly drawn out. 

Mediation is different. If both parties are prepared and have the necessary information to hand, an agreement can be reached in as little as three to four weeks. More complex cases – for example, involving businesses, multiple properties, or complicated pension arrangements – will naturally take a bit longer. 

In the UK, the divorce process takes a minimum of 26 weeks, with waiting periods that give couples time to reflect and arrange their affairs. Mediation runs alongside this timeline, so you can start making real plans about the future and have everything agreed before you need it. 

What mediation actually is

Mediation isn’t a shortcut, or a compromise on quality. It’s a structured, professionally managed process that allows people going through difficult circumstances to reach agreements that are fair, practical, and legally sound – without the cost and delay of the courts. For most people, the end of the process means something simple but significant: clarity. That gives you a foundation to move forward from and start making plans for the future.

If you’d like to learn more about mediation, and how you can resolve your affairs in one place, take a look at our Agreed service.

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